Putting On My Big Pants
Putting on my BGP’s!
Last week Caroline and I held our first Breaker event, and to say I was nervous was an understatement! Like many, I have always found it daunting pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing challenging things. And my oh my this was one of those; public speaking to a group of women, some friends, and some new faces all who we had invited to hear more about our vision and discuss our feelings of guilt.
Caroline forced (yes, physically forced me, against my will!) to sit on a high stool next to her and our therapy expert and take part in a “fireside chat”… this is as terrifying for me as it would be for someone with vertigo at the top of the Eiffel Tower!
I am a little bit of (OK, OK, very much) a worrier (or a flapper, as my team like to say). Unfortunately, I tend to overthink everything and imagine it going wrong before it even begins. The questions whizz around my head; what if I embarrass myself, what if I can’t articulate what I need to say, what if I can’t answer their questions, is everyone going to think I am an idiot?! These go on and on until I have worked myself up into a frenzy and eventually, like a child, stamp my feet and exclaim, “I’M NOT DOING IT!”.
For me, public speaking is especially terrifying. I can remember at school I would never put my hand up in class to answer a question for fear I would be laughed at. At university I would make any excuse not to do a presentation, at work not applying for the next level job as I feared I would never get through the interview. In my personal life, even instructions at a hen party I organised or speeches at family gatherings were stressful. My stress levels go through the roof and in the past (well, on one occasion) I got brain freeze so severely as the panic set in, and instead of fight mode I went into flight mode and my brain disappeared completely!
I’ll never forget one university lecturer telling me, after a particularly bad presentation (to be fair I was extremely hungover and had forgotten my notes!) that, ‘if you don’t prepare, prepare to fail’!! How right he was… thinking on my feet (and bullshitting) does not come naturally and so I always have to plan and rehearse what I want to say. I also try to acknowledge that there are some things I cannot control and to focus on the things I can and repeat “it is OK not to know all the answers”. That, along with mindful breathing, really works.
It has taken me many years of avoidance and disappointment to realise that we have to do tough things if we want to achieve remarkable things… and I really do want to achieve! So, on reflection of past successes in tricky situations and with the feedback and encouragement from friends, family and professionals along the way, I am trying to be more confident, more aware of my strengths and also know I MUST challenge myself in areas I feel less comfortable in. However, before I do, I will always need to prepare, put on the BGP’s (big girl pants) and just get on with it.
I not only got through the Breaker evening, but I also actually thoroughly enjoyed it too! (Caroline in her best, overly encouraging American accent said I rocked it.) Stay tuned, she’ll be writing something on the actual amazing first event we had soon!
A friend gave me the Mel Robbins book ‘The High Five Habit’ as she knew I struggled with my confidence. I highly recommend!
Or if you’re like me and don’t have time to read the whole lot, watch this…