Lice free, Guilt Free
It’s time to address the elephant in the room. Or should I say, the laundry pile that resembles Everest in the hallway OR the layers of dirt caking on my unbathed child for the second day in a row, alright, third… FINE it’s been a week, ok!? The guilt trip.
(The best way I appease not having the daily bath/shower fight with my kids guilt, is to tell myself that it’s better for their skin, and I’m SURE I once read, dirty hair is less hospitable for lice. THAT’s my real reason. See. Guilt free AND lice free.)
Gah. It’s real though. The guilt. The unending pressures we feel as mothers to do better, be better. The heaviness of the perceived judgement from the moms who ‘seemingly’ have it all together, which is nothing compared to the spiralling abyss we hurl ourselves toward with our own soul crushing self judgment - ‘The Mom Guilt’.
Here are a few things that I’ve felt guilt about in the last 24 hours:
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Guilt that my kids’ clothes are so disorganized and that the clutter has taken over.
Guilt that I don’t write in their reading diaries,
Guilt I don’t cook more,
Guilt that I don’t spend enough quality time with my kids,
Guilt I’m working too much,
Guilt that my kid has a terrible hair cut because I did it instead of taking him to the barber.
The thing is, no one has it all together. That judgement I feel from other moms, is usually just perceived; grown from our own often unattainable standards we set for ourselves to ensure we’re guiding and nurturing the next generation to be decent, healthy, happy, functioning adults one day.
I wish there was a magic spell we could whip up to erase all of the guilt. But there’s not. So here is one way I’m trying to battle mine.
Practice Authenticity. Since I’ve had babies, I’ve definitely become a lot more open about the struggles and guilt I’m feeling.
It’s spurred on from a genuine desire to show others that they are not alone in their struggles. Heck, it helps me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles. After my second born, Jack, I had Post Natel Depression and I suffered, alone. It wasn’t until one of my childhood besties who has children a little older, said- ‘Girl, this is totally normal, most moms I know have gone through this. I went through this and this is what I did to get better…”. At that moment I didn’t feel alone anymore, or like I was isolated, the only one dealing with it.
Sometimes it’s not until someone else is brave enough to share their struggles, guilt, that others open up. It’s only then when you realise, you aren’t alone, you’re not getting it all wrong, that there is solidarity with other women. It can give others hope. I challenge you to be real, honest, authentic. If someone asks how you are doing or how your kids are doing, tell the truth. Your community will grow, mine did. There is great strength in the solidarity of the sisterhood- the motherhood. This is at the heart of what Gemma and I want for Breaker. It’s for sure at the center of our friendship.
Just for fun, try it. Today, I’m 24/25.
Both Gemma and I really strongly believe in the importance of mental health. If you are struggling with the guilt or postpartum depression or anxiety, please seek professional help. Here are two amazing women who have personally helped us in times of need.
Laura: https://www.minds-aligned.uk/
Diane: https://www.dianetaylor.co.uk/
And if you really need perking up, this book, ‘There Are Moms Way Worse Than You’ by Glenn Boozan is hilarious and awesome. I may have read this with Gemma one evening a few months ago after a few G&T’s after a particularly STELLAR day of parenting. I def felt better afterward. Below is a snippet from the book. Enjoy :)
