Fancy a Ham, Cheese & Pickle Sandwich?
As I am preparing for Sunday and the Mother’s Day lunch I have invited the wider family to (even though I think it’s a ridiculous day - humph) I am reflecting about mothers. I am a mother of children (how did that happen?), I have a mother (obvs), and her mother, my nanny (who is a force, let me tell you) is still the strong matriarch and queen of our family. I am so incredibly lucky. So many to love and be loved by.
My little sister is due
to be a mother in a month.
Feeling my niece kick her hard enough to make her wince made me laugh and cry at the same time!!
However, all this family and love brings a certain level of responsibility and caring for others. I was chatting with a friend, explaining (ok, moaning) that I am really feeling stretched by the people in my life. Being of a certain age (cough!!) my hormones are all over the place making me cranky - bloody perimenopause. Plus, because I wanted to have fun and a career for as long as possible, I decided to have children later – so have limited energy left now, after all the said partying. Kids, including the fun bits, are exhausting and although they are independent-ish, are about to/are hitting one of their biggest changes – puberty. It is a distant memory of mine, but wow the intensity is REAL. Add into the mix my mum is wrestling with the realities of not being thirty-five anymore and is living with me again and lastly, that my poor nan’s body is not doing what it is told, how very dare it. Phew – my head is spinning just writing that. So yes, I literally am stretched, pushed and pulled in all directions.
The friend, after listening very patiently (she is a saint) explained that there is a name given to what I am experiencing, of course there is. So, if you, like me are feeling this way, then join me as a member of the so-called Sandwich Generation…
Another friend (is this all I talk about?) sent me a LinkedIn post about this very subject where Dr Lucy Ryan, author of Revolting Women argues we should drop the Sandwich, and call it the “midlife collision” instead.
Either way, it does not sound great, but does make sense. On one side we have people older than us who need us (probably deserve it after caring for us our whole lives) and our little people, the other side, expecting to be guided along the way. It’s so bloody hard sometimes being piggy in the middle.
However, I must remind myself to be grateful and continue to love and care, because for all the tough moments, there are of course millions of wonderful ones too. And, although I try to deny it, I have learnt so much from my mother, who in turn learnt great stuff from her mother and hopefully as a mother I will pass on some good things to my children… (I’m not promising but here’s hoping - I have everything crossed!).
My fave pic. on a lovely day with the women in my family - Four generations in a dress!
Back to Mother’s Day – I don’t know about you but I agree wholeheartedly with Claudia Winkleman, who has banned the “celebration”. It’s another commercial guilt trip to spend money we don’t have trying to show others how we feel for one day – what about the other 364 days, sorry 365 days this year (it’s a leap year, doh!). If you want to show me how much you love me, please just put your plates in the dishwasher FFS! And… what about all those people who have lost their mothers, the mothers who have lost children, as I have, and all the women who do not have children, for whatever reason. There are so many emotions that Mother’s Day brings, and it’s not always rosy!
So, on reflection it really isn’t too bad being ham, cheese and a lot of pickle (substitute with whatever filling you are), becuase as it turns out, I would be a very boring lunch and it would be even messier to eat without the carb filled support either side of me. It’s what makes a sandwich so amazing; that we crave one everyday, just like a mother should be.
At Breaker, we believe that doing everything with your heart is so important, so much so, we made it one of our core values: HEART - work, live and love with passion, joy, and humour. About — The Breaker Collective.
Def my next read - clink here for more Lucy Ryan